Oh where to begin. I look back at my last post and stand in amazement at how much life can change in such a short period of time. Life was stable, same, predictable, safe....I had 10 functioning fingers, I was pretty sure of the future, I was dedicated and excited about the potentials and an upcoming workshop. And then, two major events...a little mishap with a log splitter and a "phone call" (actually a stop by the jobsite visit) and perspectives change.
I've thought many, many times since the log splitter about how God probably made that happen on purpose right at that moment. I kinda wish He'd choosen another option for these same lessons, but I suppose He knows what He's doing. I learned to rely on others again. I allowed (out of necessity) my mom to take off work to help with the kids and Keri, I had to be taken to appointments while under the influence of nasty substances, I was given meals repeatedly, I had to turn down the much anticipated workshop... Ray had a stark reminder of household duties, kids, and work and while that was difficult and frustrating, even he admits it was good for him to do for a period of time. Also for the positive, our moms were able to come help at our house in a way I know they both wanted to when the kids were born, but I was stubborn and prideful and could do it myself then. This was their chance to feel useful. In the same way, I was overwhelmed by those from church who were willing to make us meals. It seemed silly to be so worn out by just one injured finger, but they were truly a gigantic help. On the other hand, I had really looked
forward to that workshop for months. It was sad to have to admit I couldn't go because I so wanted to learn the information and add it to my doula business.
Just before I hurt my hand was the jobsite visit. Ray was approached by Schultz Construction with a job offer/part ownership offer. It was a huge compliment. It was a huge decision. Would we take it? Is it right for our family? What does it hold for the future? and on and on. After weeks of talking, thinking, praying, asking for advice and opinions....we decided to accept. Then came part two. Would I like to come work in the office? Essentially we would be replacing another husband/wife team. And that for sure is how we're thinking of it - team. With both kids entering school in the fall, and my commitments to care for Keri finished in May, and my final doula client due in June...the timing seemed obvious (just as it had for Ray's situation and decision). In December I went in and asked all my questions, looked at the software, and was strongly lobbied to come on board. After another month of talking, thinking, praying, asking for advice...I've accepeted the position there and will begin in July. This means no more doula work. It means a huge new challenge and definite changes to our lives. I wouldn't be honest if I said there are no second thoughts (for Ray's decision or mine). "What might have been" will always remain a mystery. But, such is life. Changes come and go and we readjust to the new norm. We must move forward to the "new" with the confidence we made the decisions as thoughtfully as possible. It's sure to be an adventure.
On the doula front, I've had two babies since the last post. Both were great births, though one was not as planned. It is always a privilege to be a witness to new life. Something I never, ever get used to or take for granted. Their stories will need to be the topic for my next post.
