I'm the Innkeeper. I figured it out. It's always bothered me that I can't answer the over-used ice breaker question: Which Bible Character are you? I don't know if it's used in other denominations, but oh my have I heard that question way too many times. And what are the "right" answers? David, if you're a guy and Martha, if you're a girl. Why? Because David was a man after God's own heart, yet he still made some pretty huge mistakes in life. Martha was too busy running her household to listen to Jesus. I don't know how I've answered the question in the past, I honestly don't remember, but I know it now.

I'm the Innkeeper.

I have some Martha tendencies. I can easily busy myself with tasks that are very necessary, but not real important. I'm often content to be in my house and away from lots of people. However, if there is a need presented to me or in my view, I'm more than happy to help, encourage, and sincerely care. As I have thought about this concept in the last couple weeks, it's been a real comfort. A reassurance that I am who I am and I don't have to try and be like anyone else or make comparisons to others which are typically unfair to both parties - the one doing the comparing and the one being analyzed.

I don't have a jump out there personality. I can do it when I feel prompted, but I don't enjoy it till it's over. However, there are people in my life - some of them very close to me - who do have that natural ability. Often I have followed their lead. Some of my most meaningful relationships - the ones where I feel fortunate enough to make a difference in the life of another - have come by way of these other outgoing friends making the first move. For a long time I thought that wasn't fair. I felt like they were doing the hard work and I was taking advantage of that. While I think that can happen, I also think there is a picture of the Body in that scenario. You see, those friends who love being among many people need to go back out on the road and find more travellers. It's what they're gifted at. It's not at all that they don't care about the individual, or aren't willing to slow down and make that personal difference when the time is right, but they are often gifted by God for other purposes.

Now, this realization doesn't excuse me from not going out on the road and looking for the tired traveling couple or the injured lying along the road. I still have that responsibility, and so do you. Jesus clearly called us all to go into the world and share His story and Hope. But, what a comfort to know it takes all types of people for the body of Christ to function at its best.

So anytime you need bandaged up, a clean comfortable room, breakfast in bed, a stable to have a baby....come on by. :-)

Who was the Innkeeper? Read all about it: Luke 2:1-7; Luke 10:25-37; Matthew 28:16-20

Today I am praying for the beautiful Joanne. Her picture is to the right. She is a living miracle and I encourage you to read her amazing story and pray with me. God is good.

Click here to read her story and see why I've posted my charm bracelet picture!

Love, Promises, & Times Gone By

I've been inundated by love this week. Not the mushy gushy kind. More informational and contemplative. What does love mean? What is it supposed to visually look like in my life? Who am I supposed to love, really?

1 Corinthians 13 is probably the most widely read passage concerning love. Here's what I've been studying, via the bible study, "Living Beyond Yourself".
Love is patient - a word meaning "a person who is able to avenge himself, but restrains from doing so".
Love is kind - it is useful
Love does not envy - envy always ends in some sort of action; jealous
Love does not boast - it does not brag for personal gain. The only One we are to boast about is God.
Love is not proud - pride causes destruction, captivity, and deception
Love is not rude - "A Spirit filled Christian immediately senses that the Holy Spirit is offended in the presence of obscenity."
Love is not self-seeking - it seeks the highest and best for another
Love is not easily angered - we can't be rich in love and quick to anger (Ps 145:8)
Love keeps no record of wrongs - it is fairly forgetful
Love does not delight in evil - Psalm 119:29-32
Love protects - it "covers in silence", doesn't expose the faults of others,
Love trusts - it is not skeptical
Love hopes - it expects with desire
Love perseveres - it "remains under", hangs in there, How easily are you discouraged within a relationship?
Love doesn't fail - "never without effect and never in vain"

It's easy to apply these convictions to my immediate family. I love my children beyond words. The older my children get and the more they turn into their own people the more I love them. The more I look forward to what they will grow into in the future. Inside Ray's wedding ring are the words, "protect", "trust", "hope", "persevere". I easily made those promises to him because of how much I love him, all those ways listed above.

My questions come with others. What are my responsibilities to my friends, to casual acquaintances, to extended family, to complete strangers? I specifically looked for verses about friends. I was amazed what I found. Frequently "friends" and "love" are mentioned together. A friend loves at all times. (Prv 18:24) Jesus was a friend [loved] the tax collectors. (Mat 11:19) A friend who loves will lay down her life for a friend. (Jn 15:13) From this I am reminded that we should love everyone. The easy and the difficult. And those who are usually easy when they're difficult. I can't love circumstantially. I can't choose who to love. God will determine that by who He puts in my path. I have to believe, and remember in the moment, that I am commanded to love in a supernatural way. And, because I have the Spirit, I can do that, not perfectly, but it should be my goal.

One definition of love is "philos", a friend's love. What does the bible say about this form of love among friends? It says we should love our friends above ourselves (Luke 14). It says we should live life in a way that we can both rejoice as well as cry together (Luke 15). Sadly, it says we should be ready because some friends will betray us (Luke 21). And it clearly gives an example of how friends can be a detriment to each other (Luke 23). In this example we see how friends are often formed through common interests. Here sits the idea: You are who you hang around with.

We all long for friends who genuinely love us and are so intimately involved in our lives that they know when we are rejoicing and when we are sad. None of us want to have to announce, "Hey, I'm sad today." We desire a "tas philas" (female friends) who instinctually understands us. Unfortunately it doesn't take long to realize all humans let us down from time to time, especially those we consider our friends. Perhaps those are the hardest of all. At those times for me it's easy to think, 'I'm finished with new friends'. I don't want to put myself out there for any more disappointment, hurt, frustration, replacement, loss, sadness.... The Bible, however, I believe, says quite the opposite. The whispers in our ears that says we don't need people is not the Spirit. As a matter of fact we are to demonstrate love to one another as brothers and sisters (I Peter 3). I don't believe God sees blood siblings as we do. In His eyes we're all blood siblings ~ through Jesus' blood. God's words implore us to love one another. It even gives us permission at times to be partial to our Spiritual family (Galatians 6). Bottom line for me as I think through all this, we often say we don't get to choose our family but we can choose our friends. I propose, not so! We don't get to choose whom to love because of Christ. Thank goodness He doesn't have the attitude of picking and choosing toward us which we so easily fall into. I am immensely thankful for the friends God has placed in my life a specific times. I always view them as gifts, practically right down to picturing a bow on top of their heads! :-)

The other topic on my mind has been Times Gone By. When I hear "Tears in Heaven" I'm instantly transported to the Wamego Middle School wrestling deck. The end of an era. When I sit in the Upstairs Auditorium I'm reminded of my Spiritual upbringing as a child. The end of an era. When I drive by Hopkins Creek Rd I remember the first year of marriage. The end of an era. When I visit the Birth Center for my "annual" I remember waddling through the door deep into labor and wandering out with a tiny new person. The end of an era. When I drive by homes of friends who have moved away I can't help but reminisce. The end of an era. It could go on, but I won't for now. The purpose of this is not to be depressing, just sentimental. Seems a lot of changes are coming our way this year too. Ray's new job continues to be a roller coaster of emotions and figuring out new people and situations. I'm nearly finished taking care of Keri. I have two remaining doula clients and then I'll be finished for the foreseeable future. In the fall Jonathan will begin Kindergarten and both kids will be in school all day. In July I'll begin working part time, in August it'll be full time. Our congregation is searching for a new Campus Minister. Many people have transitioned out of our church for various reasons. Relationships have changed forever and I anticipate more of the same changes. As I consider all this I'm thankful for the two constants in my life: God first and my husband second. We're a great team, the three of us. As other circumstances and relationships change, I know we're in this together. Though I feel like I'm in mourning for some of the things that will never be the same, I look forward to the future. "Pressing on toward the goal", you might say.

I'm thankful for the way God specifically spells out what love looks like, what friends look like, and His high expectations of us. I'm also thankful He specifically promises He will always be with us and that He has a plan for us.

I'm sure you've seen some version of the "cardboard testimonies" done in churches all over the country. I'll post a link, if you don't know what I mean. Cardboard Testimonies Ever since I saw my first of those videos I've contemplated what my cardboard testimony would be. Truly, I've been stumped. Not in an "I'm just that perfect" kind of way, but in a "what kind of dramatic change has happened to me" kind of way. It actually makes me sad that I can't think of anything right away. Maybe I'm not being contemplative enough. Maybe I'm not being honest with myself. Maybe I'm not giving God enough credit. Would I actually wish for something "major" so that I have a story - sometimes, yes. But my husband often reminds me of the blessing of a good life and the blessings that often flow from good decisions. And then I'm tempted to steel myself for the crash in the future. But that's not holding my faith to be true. Why should I expect a good God to have a painful plan for me? I don't mean I expect things to forever be easy. I want to truly trust God is already in the future and waiting to support me no matter what happens.

So what would my sign say? I'm convinced I would need two signs, one for myself and one for my view of others. For now I concentrate only one. I have a feeling every one's signs would change over time. As our lives continue and we experience new challenges and analyze old memories and we see things in a different light. However, for me, right now, I've had a week of deep contemplation. I've felt sobered by the thoughts I've been analyzing. God has spoken over and over this week to me of my worth. The first side of my sign would say, "2 decades of believing Satan's lies of worthlessness". I'm not sure what the second side would say yet, but today I believe I would write, "Filled with God's Value". It's vague, I know. That's where I'm at now. I guess I know the first side well because I've identified it. I'm still working on the second side. I feel it, but I'm still working on belief. For now, I know I'm immensely thankful to God for creating me to be a person of worth. I'm thankful for the ways he's communicated that to me in the past few days. And, I'm thankful for the people He continues to place in my path. Thankful for their example, and their words, and their persistence, and their willingness to listen to God's prodding to be my friend, and their willingness to walk along side me (sometimes walk behind me and push!) God is good. I'll continue to keep listening for my "second side".

Over and over I've thought of the biblical image of the Body of Christ since I hurt my finger. Mostly I'm reminded that one small part of the body can really majorly effect the whole body. Kinda the "when one hurts, we all hurt" mentality. Today I was struck by the oposite view...one part can be the biggest strength of the whole body. Maybe it's because it also is a hand, but this blog really struck me. The Simple Wife .

We must all remember we are created in God's image. His image. It's not something to be forgotten or taken lightly. God doesn't create accidents. He doesn't create strife and pain. We are "wonderfully made" to be a functioning, adequate, and meaningful part of a Body.



I Corinthians 12

One Body with Many Members

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body— Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.

For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

Oh where to begin. I look back at my last post and stand in amazement at how much life can change in such a short period of time. Life was stable, same, predictable, safe....I had 10 functioning fingers, I was pretty sure of the future, I was dedicated and excited about the potentials and an upcoming workshop. And then, two major events...a little mishap with a log splitter and a "phone call" (actually a stop by the jobsite visit) and perspectives change.

I've thought many, many times since the log splitter about how God probably made that happen on purpose right at that moment. I kinda wish He'd choosen another option for these same lessons, but I suppose He knows what He's doing. I learned to rely on others again. I allowed (out of necessity) my mom to take off work to help with the kids and Keri, I had to be taken to appointments while under the influence of nasty substances, I was given meals repeatedly, I had to turn down the much anticipated workshop... Ray had a stark reminder of household duties, kids, and work and while that was difficult and frustrating, even he admits it was good for him to do for a period of time. Also for the positive, our moms were able to come help at our house in a way I know they both wanted to when the kids were born, but I was stubborn and prideful and could do it myself then. This was their chance to feel useful. In the same way, I was overwhelmed by those from church who were willing to make us meals. It seemed silly to be so worn out by just one injured finger, but they were truly a gigantic help. On the other hand, I had really looked
forward to that workshop for months. It was sad to have to admit I couldn't go because I so wanted to learn the information and add it to my doula business.

Just before I hurt my hand was the jobsite visit. Ray was approached by Schultz Construction with a job offer/part ownership offer. It was a huge compliment. It was a huge decision. Would we take it? Is it right for our family? What does it hold for the future? and on and on. After weeks of talking, thinking, praying, asking for advice and opinions....we decided to accept. Then came part two. Would I like to come work in the office? Essentially we would be replacing another husband/wife team. And that for sure is how we're thinking of it - team. With both kids entering school in the fall, and my commitments to care for Keri finished in May, and my final doula client due in June...the timing seemed obvious (just as it had for Ray's situation and decision). In December I went in and asked all my questions, looked at the software, and was strongly lobbied to come on board. After another month of talking, thinking, praying, asking for advice...I've accepeted the position there and will begin in July. This means no more doula work. It means a huge new challenge and definite changes to our lives. I wouldn't be honest if I said there are no second thoughts (for Ray's decision or mine). "What might have been" will always remain a mystery. But, such is life. Changes come and go and we readjust to the new norm. We must move forward to the "new" with the confidence we made the decisions as thoughtfully as possible. It's sure to be an adventure.

On the doula front, I've had two babies since the last post. Both were great births, though one was not as planned. It is always a privilege to be a witness to new life. Something I never, ever get used to or take for granted. Their stories will need to be the topic for my next post.

Petals or thorns? It's all in how you look at a rose. Beautiful or messy? It's all in how you look at birth. What a blessing and craziness the past four weeks have been. Three beautiful baby girls entered the world and I was fortunate to provide doula support for each one.

The first, the perfect birth all doulas desire: Mom and Dad were a great team, Mom was gracious enough to allow her mother-in-law to experience the birth (not Mom's first choice), kind and patient nurses attended, when Mom was nearly through transition and felt she could not go on I was Provided with the right words and encouragement so today she confidently knows she birthed her own baby, in her own way, and without intervention. A wonderful birth.

The second birth, three days later, was again wonderful. A Dad home on R&R got to meet his baby girl immediately instead of six months from now. Mom was a picture of strength and sacrifice for her daughter, laboring with pitocin, without an epidural (save one hour of labor), and with a broken rib. In the end she progressed from 4 to 10 in one hour. Her perfect baby girl is such a blessing.

Baby girl number three made her entrance into the world in her own bedroom, in a warm tub, surrounded by her daddy, sister, aunt, grandma, and two great-grandmas. Again, what a blessing to see a Mom and Dad work so perfectly as a team. She is absolutely beautiful and quite possibly being snuggled 24 hours a day!

The blessings continued this month as another client, already doing all she can for herself and her baby, found a place for birth that fits her needs and desires. One of my very first clients announced a second pregnancy - yah for repeat clients! And a third mom, who is need of extra support, accepted my help when I reached out to her.

The life of a doula is emotionally fulfilling, yet draining at the same time. What a privilege I have to support women through a vital point in life. What a gift to have a supporting husband and children. I am richly blessed.